Malapropisms

A malapropism is "the act or habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound." 

If you were to look this word up in the dictionary you would find a picture of me. I am the personification of a malapropism. My mom often jokes that my real father is Yogi Berra. Perhaps this is true.

Here are some of my more memorable malapropisms:

A friend of mine had frost bite in his index finger, but it wasn't too bad. It was a good thing he didn't have to have it abducted. (I meant amputated)

My mom and sisters were teasing me in the car. I told them to quit flapping their gams.(Gums)

I was bringing someone to my (now ex-) boyfriend's house. I warned her that his family had two laboratories. (Labradors, but it would be pretty cool if they had two laboratories)

In the springtime, the Mongolian trees look so pretty. (Magnolia trees, though I am sure Mongolian trees look cool too) 

My best friend drives a su-boob-aroo. (Subaru)

I wrote home to my family from camp telling them all about my friend Virgina. (Virginia. Leave out one i and you are telling a completely different story)

At the store I love to buy Moby Jack Cheese. (It's Colby Jack Cheese that is used to catch whales)

And Lazy Susans are so relaxing. (I really meant Lazy Boy)

There are more, these are the only ones that I can think of off the top of my head. Some are caused by my spelling errors, others by my lazy tongue, but most are caused by the sounds and letters getting jumbled up in my head.
I don't know why it happens, but it certainly keeps life interesting. They prove to be a very interesting conversation starter, "oh you will just never guess what I called my friend from camp..."